Sunday, July 22, 2012

Otak & Hati

"Menangis lagi? Alahai hati, kau menipu ya?"

          "Tak, mana ada."

"Kalau kau tak berharap, kenapa boleh kecewa?"

          "Aku tak kecewa."

"Habis tu?"

          "Aku bahagia. Tak nampak ni? Aku ketawa."

"Nampak. Nampak kau lap air mata."

"Kenapa diam? Kenapa pendam?"

          "Kenapa tanya kenapa? Bukan ke otak yang kawal semuanya?"

"Sebab kau yang simpan semua rahsia."

         "Dah tahu rahsia, kenapa tanya?"

Gila. Aku dah gila!

20th July 2012
6:54 p.m

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Wishlist : Invisible ink.

Hey, may I have a pen with invisible ink?

So that people would not know what I have written, and sketched all over on those recycle papers.

People would not that I am corny. So they could never condemned me. So, you too, would never really knew. I miss you. I miss you much more than those sketches could disclose. Nights have been sleepless. Days have been counted. Writing has been paused. Book has been closed. Why am I wanting nothing?

That kind of ink would make me forget things that I wrote. 

I would forget the nightmare that I have had. So that I would not remember the feeling of 'no one cares'.

And when I look into my empty diary for July, I'll be like "Hey, it's there. It's just not there, it's invisible."

Even after I've written so much, I could act like nothing's wrong. Like how I act like I'm okay though I feel shitted, watching my mom gets weak. Watching her in pain. 

Plus, I don't want people to see my already-ugly-hand-writing gets uglier. If so, they would find out that I was shivering when I was writing. They would know I was sobbing. It's okay with the teardrops, I could lie to them, I could say that I was writing under a tree, in the rain. I could lie, you know? I am good at lying.

So.. Hey, may I have a pen with invisible ink?
            I don't want to sound pathetically unhappy like this.

Writer writes beautiful thing, who I ain't. 
I am just one of the people who write.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Some things are better left unsaid...

I hate it.

Thursday, July 5, 2012



This is heart to heart,
       by heart.
From my heart of hearts,
       please have a heart.

5th July 2012

Tuesday, July 3, 2012


2 a.m.
A month of Sundays.

The notebook.
The pencil.
The smile.
The reminiscence.
The silence.
The absence.
The closed eyes.
The teardrops.

.     .     .